she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
