Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
