i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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