I'm laying in your front yard are you home
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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