Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
