I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize