for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
