South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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