my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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