the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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