theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
