The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I am puke
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
