I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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