these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
