I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
