dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
As shirtless as possible
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
