Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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