Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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