He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
