I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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