The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
we're making bets on your personal life
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
