Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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