I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
