I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
