There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
