I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
