Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
