so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize