Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
