OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
