if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
