four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
