Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
