I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
