I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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