Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
