i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
