My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
