I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
