I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
