Porn is love you can see.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
