is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
