were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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