Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
