I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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