awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My vagina is officially offended.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
