I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
