I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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