This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
