Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
worst night to have a conscience
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
