my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
