Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Randomize
