Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
