just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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