i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
