how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
