Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
