I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
