he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
