After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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