Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I party with great urgency now.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize