I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
