woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize