so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
