Your mouth is God's brothel.
my phone needs a breathalizer
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
