I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Randomize
