I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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