So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
