remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
