The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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