theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
